Yo Odio Espanol!

So I decide to go get my textbooks for this upcoming semester. I’m essentially done with school except that I have to take two more semesters of Spanish. I hate spanish. I don’t hate the language, just being forced to learn it at an institution I’m paying to attend. Teach spanish in grade school? I’m totally fine with that. Forcing me to learn spanish when I’m 27 and finished with my major? That just grates on me.

Anyhow, I go to get my books and, predictably, the Spanish book I need is $70. That’s fine. I can handle that. I’ve spent more for books in the past. Then I find out that I need an “online code” in order to do internet classwork. I’m like “an online code? That’s all I need?” and the girl is like “yep!”. So I said “Great! I’ll take one”. She hands me what amounts to a thin piece of cardboard and I head up the the register.

The dude scans that thin piece of cardboard. $60. For an “online code”. It’s literally just a series of numbers that I type into a website. That’s it. And it cost me 60 f*cking dollars. I probably wouldn’t be so bitter about this if I wasn’t done with my major and minor. In fact, I actually have a double minor finished. This is just piss time for me and I know it is going to be hard as hell because I just cannot seem to grasp the Spanish language. Why does college have to force this language requirement bullshit on me? Not only am I paying public education tax dollars that should have this crap instituted in grade school when I don’t know any better not to learn it, but now they force you to spend ridiculous amounts of money at an optional educational institution

No me gusta, Motherf*ckers!

Dead Lantern - Too Hot For Google?

So I got this in my e-mail inbox, I think it’s pretty funny. I don’t know how this stuff gets audited; Mat’s been making these “Women of Horror” posts for a long time and only now I get this notification. We’re not really earning much from the Google Ads so I may just scrap them - I certainly don’t want any of our writers to change their posts over some silly Google Ads rules.

adsense-support@google.com to me
show details 12:51 AM (9 hours ago) Reply

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Women of Horror #76: Martha O’Driscoll

some films: Ghost Catchers (1944), House of Dracula (1945)

Pimpin Our Friends: HorrorMovieFans.com

I was referred to HorrorMovieFans.com by a dude named Sebastian who commented on my MMT commentary. I took a look and realized “This site is pretty swell!”. You can find editorials, a radio show, interviews and more. They’ve also got an active message board community. If you go, tell them Deadlantern.com sent ya!

Today only, Thriller t-shirt on shirt.woot!

Are you guys familiar with woot? It’s a neat shopping site that sells one different item per day at a bargain price. They have a sub-site called shirt.woot that’s the same concept, but with t-shirts. The price is always $10.00 and shipping is included, so that’s not too shabby compared to other joints selling t-shirts. Obviously, the catch is that a given design is only available for one day.

Today’s shirt is a cute, pixelized take on Thriller…

Splattercast #90: The X-Files

I want to believe..

This week week’s episode is all about The X-Files.We chat about some of our favorite episodes and expound on why we loved this show so much. But the best part is that longtime listener Explodey Jo accompanies us on our rambling journey as a guest co-host live from England (at 3 in the morning on a workday, no less). She and I then have a heated argument over the quality of the newest X-Files movie that almost turns into an international incident. Not really, but that would have been sweet. :)

Thanks for being such a trooper Jo. And we hope you can make it into work in a few hours! :)

Horrified B-Movie Victims

I was browsing around Topless Robot today and came across a blog post of these swell action figures. I’d love to have these in random places around my apartment. You can order them right here. Props to Topless Robot for finding them!

Nikki Finke Jumps on the Midnight Meat Train! (no, she isn’t in a porno)

Deadlantern.com’s favorite anti-horror zealot, Nikki Finke (long time readers will remember our Eli Roth discussion), is now on the case! :P

As you’d expect, she doesn’t answer anything but dives into the gossipy inside politics behind the “snubbing” of the film. It’s sort of a “Well geez, this could be the reason why”. Her blog should remind everyone that “Hollywood insiders” are nothing more than adults with high school drama in their lives.

But it wouldn’t be a Finke-tacular post without some wise moral crusading: “I’ve long campaigned that execs should look inward before releasing “Hard R” horror films, especially those that feature torture porn.”

Ah yes, that’s exactly what we need! I totally want some out-of-touch studio executive who doesn’t know anything about me “looking inward” and deciding whether or not I can handle “Hard R” horror films. This is, after all, the woman who called anybody who likes these films “sickos” and chastized Lion’s Gate with this doozy about Hostel II: “Lionsgate deserves to feel the effects of piracy (not to mention the wrath of mankind) for distributing such a disgusting film.”

Judging from her own words, Finke doesn’t really have any respect for anybody who would go and see Midnight Meat Train, yet that doesn’t stop her from trying to throw gasoline on the fire. Which is kind of cool since I do that shit too :)

Anyway, once again I’d like to point out that horror fans didn’t go see MMT (discounted, no less!) this past weekend even with all of this “controversy” and faux-outrage. This is getting ridiculous yet oddly hilarious at the same time. I can’t remember a recent horror film that has gotten so many people angry about something that is a common occurrence in the industry, especially when it comes to our genre. Alas, now we’ll have to live with a couple more weeks of Finke’s super sleuthing and bad mouthing of horror fans.

Look inward, horror fans, and see the light :)

Commentary: Midnight Meat Train and the Bitter Pill to Swallow

See that? That’s Vinnie Jones. And all those empty seats represent the people who went to see Midnight Meat Train this past weekend…

Controversies, whether they be real or make-believe, are fun. They rile people up. The horror community likes to be pissed off. Maybe that’s just in our genes (unless you are Jeff, who got the mutated Happy Horror Fan Gene). Public enemy #1 is usually Hollywood, who many of us decry as destroying and/or taking advantage of the genre. Those greedy rat bastards in Hollywood! For the past week or so you have probably been hard pressed to visit a horror website and not see something related to Midnight Meat Train and how the evil corporate conglomeration known as Lion’s Gate was making the filmmakers, and horror fans, pick up a bar of soap in a federal prison shower. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think some injustice is being inflicted on a personal level of every horror fan.

Clive Barker himself is joining in the chorus to “save” this film. The buffoon known as Mr. Disgusting has a big masturbatory news item that is trying to get to the bottom of why the film doesn’t have a release (really, how does anybody take that site seriously?). And the controversy has even spread to our little catacomb of cyberspace, as a friendly disagreement has sprung up on our message boards.

First, let me state up front that I do find it disappointing that the film is not being shown in most places. That’s just a natural reaction due to the fact that the film looks pretty cool and I can’t walk three blocks to see it. That being said, I find the “uproar” over this simply mind boggling. So what if you can’t see it in your local theatre. There are tons of horror films that never get wide releases that I would have liked to have seen in the theatre (The Last Winter springs immediately to mind). This happens all the time, so why the much-ado-about-nothing over MMT?

We as horror fans love to think of ourselves as a tight nit community. We support one another, support our filmmakers, and support the movies. Or do we? We like to think of ourselves as millions strong, ready to flock to our multiplex and plunk down our hard earned dollars to support a worthy cause. But do we? The bitter pill that horror fans need to swallow is this: get over yourselves. You aren’t as big or as important as you think you are.

This past week, Bloody-Disgusting has led the charge of a “grassroots” uprising. They’ve been trying their best to mobilize their visitors into petitioning, calling, and ordering tickets for this past weekend’s showings of MMT. This call to arms (great Foo Fighters song, by the way) has been echoed by every other horror site. You’d think that since our community is so uptight about what happens to “our” movies that we would answer that call, right?

A quick look at the numbers shows that, so far at least, the response has been pretty pathetic. MMT is only in 100 theatres but is being shown in some pretty decent sized cities. Denver, Phoenix, and Indianapolis. It’s also being shown in some out of the way locales, here in our state of Nebraska (Omaha) for example. It’s even in the backyard of our friends at the Sleepy Cast, playing in Memphis. A full week of shouting at the sky and trying to stick it to the man by the big names in web horror should have had a better impact than this:

Midnight Meat Train : $32,000 total for an average of $312 per screen.

To put that in perspective, a film called Brideshead Revisited starring nobody that you’ve ever heard of and showing on only 33 screens the previous weekend grossed over $300,000. You can read my more detailed observations on this in our message board thread. The point is that Lion’s Gate dumped Midnight Meat Train because it wasn’t going to make any money.

Now perhaps Lion’s Gate could have handled the PR of this a little better. I’m not going to defend how they went about this. Knowing that you have a growing number of angry people who dress in black (I’m one of those people, so don’t feel offended) ready to cause problems for you online should have been something Lion’s Gate was ready to deal with. They weren’t and they should be chided for that. But what horror fans have to understand is that these companies, in order to get these movies into thousands of theaters across the country, have to pay millions of dollars to do it. One of the ironic things about MMT is that the majority of people freaking out about this haven’t even seen the film. It could be total dogshit for all anybody knows. Oh wait. Mr. Disgusting said it was great, so let it be written, so let it be done (thick sarcasm there, people). But let’s just assume on good faith that the movie is pretty good. Well worthy of being on more than a 100 screens. The question then becomes, can you sell this movie to the populace?

Lion’s Gate has to make money. That is their goal. Now we can get into the eternal debate of artistry vs. economics, but that’s not really what I want to dive off into. The filmmakers have made MMT the best they can. The studio then sees it, scans the current market climate and makes a decision on what to do next. That decision has major consequences. If they look at this film and say “There is no way we can make money on this if we put it in theatres” then they won’t do it. A lot of people have this notion that Lion’s Gate just doesn’t believe in the film, therefore the motive is just to screw it. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. There very well could be some higher up at Lion’s Gate whose wife banged the director and now he wants revenge. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is whether or not they can make money.

In order to put the film in thousands of theatres, the studio must make thousands of prints. That costs a lot of money. Then, once they’ve secured it in theatres (whose owners will no doubt take a bigger chunk of the opening weekend receipts precisely because they don’t want to waste a screen that could be going to The Dark Knight to show some “garbage” that 5 people will show up to) the studio must buy millions of dollars in marketing in order to get people into those theatres. Here’s a huge splash of cold water in your face: This movie would not have made money. There. I’ve said it. That seems to be the huge 800 pound gorilla in cyberspace. Of all the self-righteous hating on Lion’s Gate, people don’t seem to realize that they are not as important as they want themselves to be.

Mr. Disgusting could be right. Midnight Meat Train might very well be awesome as hell. But Hollywood does not sell its theatrical horror movies to those of us who watch Cannibal Holocaust every other day. It’s incredible that so many people can be upset by this. When horror is booming in Hollywood, think back to who the majority of the people in the audience were. When you were watching  Scream or The Ring or Final Destination, what made these films huge successes (and thus the trickle down effect to the rest of the genre) was not you and I who live and breath the genre. It was the casual non-horror fan. These are the people who infuse our genre with new life every ten years or so. These are the people who come in droves to The Ring and set off Hollywood’s money meter which in turn makes our genre that much better because of all the interest and booming creativity on the amateur level. Unfortunately, these people just aren’t going to come out en masse to a movie called Midnight Meat Train. It just wasn’t going to happen. Just like they didn’t come out to see Elisha Cuthbert tortured in Captivity.  MMT is just one of those movies that is in the wrong place at the wrong time. So if you’re Lion’s Gate, you do the obvious: you don’t release it wide. Why waste millions of dollars just so Jo Horror Fan can walk three blocks and watch it in an empty theater? A business has to look out for their interests and they aren’t going to waste money just so horror fans can feel convenienced.

But what this really shows is that the horror community is not as mighty as some people may have you believe. We are dedicated, yet extremely small in the grand scheme of Hollywood’s design. Hollywood does not make movies for us, and if they accidentally churn one out, then we get it on DVD rather than the big screen. Every once in a while you’ll get a big hit, but those are almost always created on the backs of millions of non-horror fans that just happen to be in the zeitgeist of the moment. Once that passes, the horror community goes back to their message boards, occasional conventions, and podcasts.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and I’m not trying to insinuate that people should just give up if they feel there is some injustice that has been committed. Perhaps more details will come out and we’ll find out that there is more to this story than meets the eye, but as it stands right now, there is simply no justifiable cause for the level of griping that is occurring. I’m the first to admit that a film should be seen on the big screen rather than on your home television. As I said before, it’s disappointing that this happened. But you also have to realize that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of movies that never get wide releases. If studios did that with every film then they would go bankrupt. It just can’t be done. We as horror fans should be proud that we have such a thriving niche community. It’s something to be proud of. Just don’t lose sight of the fact that, in all actuality, we are a very, very small minority of moviegoers. And it gets even more impractical when you come to the realization that there will never be any “max out” of our numbers going to a particular movie. There could be one million die hard horror fans, for example, but maybe only a third would ever go and actually see MMT in a theatre (if that, even. I’m being generous).

So calm down everybody. You’ll see Midnight Meat Train soon enough. It ain’t like Lion’s Gate is burning the negatives or anything :)

Now, I fully expect every horror website to freak out just as much about Mother of Tears when the Weinstein’s release it later this year. Oh wait, there won’t be any bitching about that? Huh, that’s odd. You see, it’s by a famous director, Argento is his name? And it is the completion of a much anticipated horror trilogy…far more interesting than MMT.

But there won’t be any bitching about that movie not getting a wide release :)

Running Commentary Review #6: Revenge of the Living Dead Girls

I can’t stop! I’m back with another RCR, this time of a minor French cult classic called Revenge of the Living Dead Girls. Here’s the synopsis:

A gore fest from France, this chiller combines horror, sex and environmental disaster. Deadly waste contaminates the milk supply in a small town, and the tainted milk kills three teenage girls who drink it. When more chemical waste accidentally falls on their graves, the girls’ corpses rise from the dead. Now, the zombie sexpots are determined to destroy those responsible for the corrupted milk — along with anyone who gets in the way.

Sounds great! And off we go!

3 min: Flick starts off with a blonde hitchhiker who sprained her knee getting picked up by a truck driver who then takes her to what looks like a wizard’s castle. He then fondles her knee to “make the pain go away”. Now some motorcycle dude is pouring orange juice inside the truck container…

5 min: Hello titties! Ugly French girl is sitting at the kitchen table wearing practically nothing and talking to what looks like her ugly mom. Oops. she just drank some milk and died. Just like that, we cut to her funeral.  Weird…

10min: “Those people are DEAD! What the F*ck is danger to you, HIROSHIMA?!!!!” classy, France. Classy.

18min: Full frontal nudity alert! WHOA WHOA WHOA! Attention Sleepy Cast: what the hell is the Cambodian Wheelbarrow?! There is a frame going on where these two women are going to film this businessman in a compromising situation. He’s just been knocked out with a sleeping pill and the older woman told the hooker to do “everything you know to do with a man” to which the hooker incredulously replies “Even the Cambodian Wheelbarrow”? I must know what this is. Hopefully the movie will explain…

24min: Zombie Alert! These re-animated girls definitely don’t look like “sexpots”. Wait, you mean a horror synopsis is littered with false advertising? No way!

27min: The zombies break into a house, rip a woman’s clothes off, and then a zombie stabs her in the eye with her high heels.

34min: I have no idea what the hell is happening in this movie. Some corporation is trying to cover up their toxic waste. The secretary wants to screw the chemist. The chemist is screwing his boss’s wife. The zombie girls have disappeared. This movies sucks. :(

42min: A zombie just bit off a penis. It was very obviously a hot dog.

45min: the secretary finally shows the goods and goes full frontal, sex and shower. If you close your eyes, spin around 100 times, and then open them…she’s sorta attractive. Oh, zombie girls hide in a swimming pool and then kill a guy as secretary showers, oblivious to his screams.

56min: This movie is so booooooorrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnnnggggggg. There has been barely any zombies in this movie. Only a couple scenes. Hardly any gore. It’s mostly just a corporate suspense thriller full of sex-tape blackmail and intrigue. God damn you France. Damn you….

61min: zombie girls gag a prostitute, throw her on a bed, cut her clothes off with a sword (!)…then they strip off all of their clothes and start rubbinger her down. Lesbian zombie sex. Hot!

63min: Zombie just shoved the sword right up the whore’s vagina. Not hot.

66min: What the hell happened? The movie just started getting interesting. So this dude who got the chemical on his hand, which has been deteriorating throughout the film, places his crazy ass pregnant wife into the shower. Obligatory pregnant shower scene…then she looks down and there is a hole in her stomach. She starts screaming while caressing her dead baby as blood flows everywhere. The chemical on her husband’s hand apparently ate through her stomach (and unborn child)

73min: What? Calling this an abrupt ending would be an understatement. The secretary makes off with the casH (don’t ask, it’s complicated). The zombies, who have been hanging out in church, kill the original dude who poured the orange juice into the milk truck. Then they catch a cab (really), swerve from a police roadblock and flip out. Then a guy tosses a molotav cocktail into the car where it bursts into flames, killing the secretary and all of the zombies. The end.

French horror films: sorta makes you nostalgic for those Nazis.

*ba-dum CHING!*

Running Commentary Review #5: Witchcraft VII-Judgment Hour

Yes! Somehow Troma got the rights to this installment in the neverending Witchcraft series and because a ton of Troma’s library is now on Netflix Instant Viewing, I get to watch it! Why am I so excited?!!!!! Because it’s freaking Will Spanner baby! The most underappreciated recurring character in all of horrordom. OK maybe that is exaggerating things a bit… Anyways, here is the synopsis for Judgment Hour

It’s been a long and arduous journey for lawyer Will Spanner, whose sideline job has him doing battle with ghoulish creatures of the night. But his enemies have saved their best salvo for last, as they force him to face his toughest nemesis on what can only be dubbed Judgment Day. Is Spanner up to the gruesome task? Or is a mere human like him unable to stop the forces of evil?

Sign me up! No more talk. Give me some Spanner action! That didn’t come out right….

3 min: it took 3 minutes to get to the titties! remarkable… wo-ho! and bush!

4 min: the vampire is seductively using a straw to drip milk all over this chicks nipples. This is some hot shit

6 min: worst pair of vampire teeth I’ve ever seen. It looks like the filmmakers picked them up out of a quarter vending machine at a super market. Random shot of a snake coiling around a cross necklace…cut to Will Spanner, looking concerned…

9 min: HELLO. Full frontal and outta the shower…as a mysterious eye watches through a crack in the wall…(turns out it is a telescope)

12 min: wait…she’s rubbing a police light on his crotch….As the police close in, we get a random crazy blue tinted sex scene. These are the slowest police ever.

19 min: How can Will Spanner of all people not know that that odd bite markon the dead-then-alive girl’s neck is a vampire bite? A character just said “It could be a killer bee bite. I hear they’ve made it up this far”. Ah to relive the 90’s again :)

22 min: slow motion bare ass montage! Eisenstein would have been proud

24 min: Thus begins another sex scene. A couple things..one: the director has a fetish for extreme female ass crack closeups. Two: women with fake breasts are NOT attractive. Play with what your momma gave ya, ladies

29 min: In best Wayne Brady voice: “Is Will Spanner gonna have to stake a bitch?”

40 min: So get this. Spanner comes home to a wife who suspects him of cheating and freaks out on him. He throws her ass down and then goes to his mother’s grave where he then smashes mud all over his face and yells out “GIVE ME THE STRENGTH!!!!” in the most melodramatic, poorly overacted scene you will ever see. And in typical Spanner style, he then comes home and boinks his old lady. Will Spanner: The definition of cool (he’s tickling her nipples with his tie! How badass is that!)

45 min: Ok, another sex scene in a car with a chick whose implants look like 2 softballs attached to her chest. She’s banging the head vampire dude and I don’t know why, but now she’s suspended above some fire with a naked dude laying next to her with a snake on his chest. Anyways, turns out the lead vampire is going to get all the blood in the city…or something. I’m still wrapping my brain around that tie nipple tickle (oooh…say that 3 times fast) move. I’ve gotta try that…

56 min: Spanner is doinkin his wife again. In slow motion this time as her hair blows in the wind (even though they are inside his house with the windows shut)

62 min: greatest interaction in the history of movies:

Lead Vampire: I have a feeling about those policemen who were here yesterday..

Servant: what is your feeling, sire?

Lead Vampire: Like a schoolboy, in the throes of his first hormonal surge, their suspicions have been aroused to the point where they cannot pull out.

Greatest. Line. Ever.

65 min: S&M! Samurai sword decapitation! More sex!

67 min: Oh no! the lead vampire, in the form of a rubber hand puppet bat has just materialized in Spanner’s bedroom and is groping the shit out of his sleeping wife’s breasts! Oh my god he just bit her and she’s rubbing the blood on her self and masturbating!!!!

71 min: “he’s a major fundraiser for the Republican party”- this describes the dude being dominated by the S&M hooker.

82 min: Spanner squares off against Dracula who morphs into a terrible mid 90’s low budget CGI bat/hand puppet combo. He flies around Spanner in a circle a few times before he gets knocked into a wall. He then turns back into Fabio-lite and goes Ninja on Spanner’s ass. They fight over the stake, which Spanner stabs Dracula with. Spanner also is stabbed in the process. Lamest fight ever.

88 min: Spanner is dead. Dracula shows up to get his wife. She re-shoves the stake into his heart, killing him. The end.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say “I don’t recommend this movie”. Until next time…

Pimpin Our Friends: James Cheetham

Once again, I totally spaced something I was going to do. On the last Splattercast, we mentioned author, and friend of the show, James Cheetham. Well here are all the links I was going to post. First, here is Mr. Cheetham’s official site and second is his blog devoted to zombie-ing out photos of people. I think he mentioned he was going to zombify all of us at Deadlantern…now if we can just get off our asses and send him some photos :)

Running Commentary Review #4: Gothic Vampires From Hell

This looks to be another Netflix instant viewing classic! Here’s their synopsis:

Industrial metal band Gothic Vampires from Hell is just starting out in the business. In their quest for a recording contract, they encounter Annastasia and Jasmine , the mysterious owners of Gotham Records. For the band, vampirism is a persona; for these two seductive beauties, it’s a way of life! The film’s soundtrack throbs with the biggest names in Goth music, including New Skin, Fear Cult and Razed in Black.

Sweet! I have no idea who any of those bands are, but I’m sure they are going to play some killer tunes! And away we go…

O min: Dude…the opening is all in terrible CG, skeletons dancing (!), and the title of the movie is actually Gothic Vampires From Hell: Battle of the Bands. I can’t wait!

2 min: Oh. My. God. There is going to be no way I can convey how ridiculous these actors look.

5 min: “Pretty good isn’t going to win the battle of the bands! I’d sell my soul to make it happen!” (oh, and the dude whose neck was just spewing gore…you could totally see the tube)

10 min: Edgar’s Ravens. That’s one of the band names. I’m serious.

15min: This movie is like a Marilyn Manson video as shot by 12 year olds. At least most of the girls are pretty hot, so it has that going for it.

17min: Jiggly boobs!

24 min: Vampire attack. I’m at a complete loss for words. This movie has to be seen to be believed.

30 min: ok. There are plenty of hot-to-partially hot women in this movie. None of them are getting naked and I don’t know why. The only nudity so far has been intercut footage of what looks like an actual goth bar of a fat chick getting spanked by a fat guy. It also looks like the director edited this turd with windows moviemaker as all of the music video cut scenes have retarded filters on them.

34 min: oh that’s just bullshit! sex scene, girl takes off her bra, cut away before we see her tits…Here comes another sex scene (intercut with shots from Nosferatu..what the hell?!) with the main vampiress…she doesn’t drop her top either. Unbelievable.

40 min: There hasn’t been a cymbal crash in this song, but the drummer is going wild on them! The plot has just been revealed. The vampiress and her two minions want to turn the lead singer of Gothic Vampires From Hell into their new Vampire master because he has a dreamy voice

45 min: wait, what? Out of nowhere, there is a nude CGI woman, engulfed in flames, dancing on the screen as a vampire chick licks her fangs seductively…i’m interested to see where this leads…

46 min: Oh GOD NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

48 min:MY EEEEYYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

50 min: *MaT weeps in a corner*

55 min: So you know how I was saying that none of the hot girls were getting naked in this movie? Well in walks this fat goth chick and her 80 pound pair of titties. Off comes the top, cue nasty groping and MaT vomiting. Oh that’s not all, the hideous goth monstrosity then spreads her legs and starts rubbing herself before being eaten by the skinny one.

63 min: Did I mention that the screaming in this movie is dubbed with one of those electronic Halloween toys that you press a button on?

68 min: I don’t know how to describe what I just witnessed.  Speed cutting combined with CG blood bubbles…oh wait, they just found the “Old Master” in his pink coffin…gotta go!

71 min: Oh snap! She just went Mola Ram on that bitches heart!

75 min: To sum up, they won the battle of the bands and now the lead singer is the master vampire after double crossing the vampiress. And this movie wouldn’t be complete without ending on one last musical number, with a montage re-playing every death/blood/gore scene in the movie. That pads the running time, see? Oh..and the final shot is of the fat girl being whipped again.

Unbelievable.

The Thing crossed with G.I. Joe

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

by a band named Zombie Zombie

Pimpin Our Friends: Joshua Hoffine’s latest creation- Isolation

A while back we posted a link to Joshua Hoffine’s killer horror photography. Well, he was kind enough to send us an e-mail letting us know he’s got a new photo up to inaugurate his brand spankin new website. Head on over to view the full size version of his newest creation: “Isolation”.

Good job, Josh!

p.s. You can also check out some “Making-Of” stuff right here.